Twas the night before Whole30, when all through the house. Every creature was purging, yes even the mouse. The cabinets were clear of all sugar and bread, with everyone thinking how will we ever be fed?
The children were nestled all snug in their beds with visions of cursed sugar plums dancing in their heads. And mama in her ‘kerchief’ and I in my straight jacket, had just settled down agreeing to no more bread baskets.
When out at the front door there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. Away to the door I flew like a flash, tore open the door, knocking over the trash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow gave the luster of midday to objects below. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a mega sized round pizza and a driver standing near.
This little old driver, so feeble and slow, I knew in a moment I must say NO! More rapid than eagles, his curses they came, and he whistled and shouted and called me mean names:
“Eat this, Eat that
Eat all of this crap!
Add sugar, add nuts,
Add chips and add cola.
To the top of the ice cream sundae
to the top of the cherry topped float.
Eat away, Eat away, Eat away All.
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, so up to my face the driver did fly, with a pack full of pizzas.
And then in a twinkling of an eye, I heard from a distance. A faint voice saying “Stay consistent” A bag full of almonds jostled in my pocket and I looked that driver in the eye as I ate my oh so healthy snack.
His eyes how they cringed, his eye brows all furled. His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a delicious cherry. His droll little mouth was spewing out promises. Promises of delight about how grains, dairy and legumes were all ok to consume!
He was chubby and plump, the exact opposite of my hopes and I laughed when I saw him in-spite of myself. A wink of my eye and a twist of my head, soon gave me new direction away from the dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight back to his car and drove away sulking as I ate my Whole30 approved bar.
I sprang to my kitchen and to my fam’ gave a whistle. And we all ran to the kitchen in a quiet hushed whisper.
And as they munched on their almonds and sipped on their hot coffee, I could hear them say to one another;
Merry Eating to All and to All a Good Night!